Elton John & Fungus Man (as told by Melinda the Ballsy)


One of Morgan's artsy photos.

Hey Losers,


Melinda here.

What? Did you think Morgan was going to write all of our stories? No fucking way! She was dumb enough to leave her phone at my house, so I get to post on our blog- OUR BLOG.

Morgan said we were a team, so this blog is 34% mine. Kyle gets 33% and so does Morgan. I get the extra 1% because I have the balls and without me there would be no ghost hunting team.

BTW,  I've named our ghost hunting team The Undead Society. Wicked, right?

Anyway, I'm a true OGS (Orange Groves Springs) girl. I've never lived anywhere else. And lucky for you, I'm all about the lore. Morgan may love old places and old things, but I love the things that go bump in the night (growl).

 Here's one of my favorite OGS stories, as told by my dad:



Elton John & Fungus Man

Okay this story isn't really about Elton John (the old singer guy), but my dad loves him and always looked for any excuse to talk about him, so he switched the names in the story to annoy me and I don't know the name of the actual guy. 

Anyway . . .

The story goes that sometime back in settler days, during Oregon Trail times, there was this guy named Elton. He traveled the Oregon Trail and made it to OGS, but his family died along the way. Some shit about starvation or dysentery or something.

Long story short, when Elton made it to town he was cray. He didn't have the heart to bury his wife and kids on the trail (Elton-no-balls), so he freaking brought them to Oregon in the wagon! Obvs the townies weren't happy with Elton. They torched his wagon the second he rolled in (because of the smell, ugh).

Elton freaked out and went into hermit-mode. He wasn't seen in months and everyone forgot about him until one day he came to town with a cart full of mushrooms and a huge cauldron. He set up shop in the middle of town square and made mushroom stew, which he gave out for free.

And the people ate it! Because people are stupid and will eat anything if it's free. Just like how people will wear anything if it's free. If I see one more "Suzette Clancy for Mayor" shirt I'm going to vomit.

Anyway, so Elton starts laughing like a lunatic and tells everyone that Fungus Man is going to come and murder them in their beds because of what they did to his family. The townspeople believed him because they were high as a kite. Cray-cray Elton figured out how to grow magic mushrooms and he dosed the whole town.

So basically, the purge went down that night- not really don't freak out. No one died, but everyone hallucinated. People thought Fungus Man was hunting them or stealing their cattle or hexing them- all because of what Elton said.

Elton escaped into the night and was never seen again. Local legend says his spirit floats around OGS punishing those who disrespect the dead. Everyone blames him too for the freaky mushrooms that grow around town. They aren't magic (I know sad, right?) but they will make you stupid sick. 

So, kids, you want a moral of the story? Here it is- don't fuck with the dead. And don't be dumb enough to eat free food from a hermit. Idiots. 

Freaky mushroom next to Bad Carl's. It was as big as my foot. Seriously.
Peace!

Mel

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Funeral Home: Part 2- Follow the Yellow Brick Road

The Funeral Home: Part 4- Our Very Own Slimer